Where do I begin with this story?

I was full of emotion because I was going to the solicitor to initiate our divorce proceedings as agreed with my husband.   We both know our marriage has to end, but it is painful nevertheless.   I find myself caught up in waves of grief, even though we are both conducting ourselves throughout with the utmost respect, compassion and love to minimise the bruising.  Not just to ourselves, but above all for our fabulous adult children who we've so lovingly nurtured together.  

I turned to my paints.  I had the two backgrounds prepared from another day.  I couldn't choose between them so I went for both.   Light and dark.  It took me a while to get the colour for my tears, but, hey ho, I found I'd created a lot of seagreen, a colour that features in many of my paintings.  As I painted them I noticed that painting a tear is very similar to painting a lit candle, and I heard the phrase in my head, Shine like a light in the world.  I thought of others grieving.... a friend of mine who has lost a relative tragically and, working abroad, she is at a distance from the family, when the instinct is to gather together.

I noticed then, that one of the candle holders I'd used that morning was one she'd given me from an earlier trip.  So I sent a photo of my painting to her to let her know I was thinking of her.  She replied, "It's amazing the power of the symbolism of lighting a candle."

So you can see how it was hard to know where to begin with this story... my grief, candle light, tears, 'shine like a light', sharing with others in their grief, candle light.   I feel this moment, this story, came full circle - and I feel the healing as a gift. 

I've been so well brought up that this is me in rebellion!  Pretty tame, eh? But it is satisfying to me and is today's insight.  To start at the beginning of the story...

I was in physical pain, again, last night, my back creaking and squeaking as if it had something to say, but I couldn't tell what.  As I work in energy I can get pretty impatient with myself, thinking, Lord, what now?!    So I turned to my favourite medium for distraction - colour.  I allow myself the permission that it doesn't matter what I paint, but it's as useful as doing a crossword, i.e. it's a moment of connection to a part of me that is tickled by the activity.  

In my case,  I just love mixing colour.... and, juxtaposing 'rude' colours together.       I began with the 'too bright' yellow (no judgement, you notice)  but, feeling rebellious, I rejected the comfort of my usual circles for - squares!   This is me really exploring my boundaries, stepping out of my comfort zone!   The second was the green square at an angle... again, me not wanting to be predictable ... and then to the orange that touches the yellow - another rule broken?    And so I continue till I have filled the paper.  By the end, I'm quite pleased by the composition - and the tease that there is more to come from the bigger squares peaking in.

I share this with you because for all the inner work I've done, I'm owning up to a very childish pastime that is allowing me to play.  And frankly, play and creativity is the way forward for me.  I'm frustrated that I feel as if my creativity is locked away within, so I'm starting at the beginning.  With primary colours and the fun it gives me.   

Paint may not be your way to step out of your comfort zone to satisfy your creative urge, but it's likely, if you are reading this, that you are seeking something.  I invite you to feel into the part of you that likes to play... and go from there.    
It's even more fun in company, so if you'd like to explore your energy and play with me, please get in touch at willaking@gmail.com.  I'm at the start of a whole new adventure with this website and yourenergymap.com and I'd love it if you joined me.